Opinion/World Op-Ed: You Say “Tomato,” I Say “Bush Did 9/11” by Dylan Sachs May 5, 2017November 5, 2021 "I had no idea how much regionalist scorn I was in for when I ordered the classic BUSHDID9/11 and mozzarella panini from Hamilton Deli."…
World Fed/CounterFed: I’m Woke vs. I’m Awake by Harrison Gale May 4, 2017November 5, 2021 Know the difference.…
On Campus University Mails Preemptive Rejection Letter to High School Junior by Luis Vera May 3, 2017November 5, 2021 "Usually we let the admissions process grind them up and spit them out, but we had to step in here."…
Opinion Op-Ed: I’m White and I’m Here To Tell You You’re Eating Your Sushi Wrong by Thomas Brockland May 3, 2017November 5, 2021 "You simple fool, you can’t even fathom the mistakes you make."…
On Campus Guy In Window Across The Street Actually Has Really Nice Dick by Greg Humphries May 2, 2017November 5, 2021 "Columbia must have been his safety school. Anyone with a dick that nice applied to Harvard early.”…
Opinion/World Op-Ed: My Parents Love Their New Backyard Barbecue More Than Me by The Feditorial Board May 2, 2017November 5, 2021 "I am an only child—and yet, the grill is their favorite member of the family."…
World How To Tell If Your Significant Other Is A Pretentious Asshole by Federalist Staff May 2, 2017November 1, 2024 "Was his Alaska cruise okay, but not as good as his Joseph Conrad-esque sailing trip down the Congo?"…
On Campus PSA From Your Hot TA: Just Leave Me Alone by Natasha Przedborski May 1, 2017November 5, 2021 "To all the students emailing me to 'talk about the class,' just drop it. I’m not interested."…
On Campus SEAS Student Guide: How to Approach a Woman by Ned Greenstein May 1, 2017November 5, 2021 "Approach the first hot girl you see, taking the shortest path possible—use Dijkstra’s algorithm here if necessary."…
On Campus JJ’s Is Back, And So Are My Back Rolls by Sandy Gooen May 1, 2017November 5, 2021 "I know I shouldn't, but those mozzarella sticks are so damn good." …
On Campus Researchers Discover New Species of Prospective Columbia Students by John Andrade April 29, 2017November 5, 2021 Beware: anyone who approaches Alphadouchies will likely succumb to verbal abuse rooted in insecurities.…
On Campus Downtrodden Freshman Calls It Quits, Asks When This Fucking Thing Can Be Over by Federalist Staff April 28, 2017November 1, 2024 “I don’t need your pity. But I do need you to buy this pan flute CD for $5.”…
