“We’re going all out to ensure that every sad boi finds his sad non-gendered partner this Valentine’s Day.”…

If this journey has taught me anything, it is that I mustn't change who I am to find love with a future Goldman Sachs managing director. Instead, I must transfer to Barnard.…

“I’m an ally. I’m trying to create a better brand for this movement, one that better complies with established grammar rules.”…

“Robin was such a grinder,” said his roommate Tag Eisenhower CC’ 20. “For as long as I knew him he would put his body through absolute hell simply because he didn’t possess…

He was also spotted with a few of his Lit Hum books in his backpack, a clear indication he is planning to study those too, like a massive dork. …

“Jeffrey has shown that through determination, kindness, and avoiding all conversations about abortion and military action, General Studies students can fit right in here,” said a school representative.…

“I want to be forthright. Yes, as Dining Director of John Jay, I made a deal with Big Bean, just like Ferris signed exclusivity agreements with Inedible Broccoli and Lukewarm Yogurt,” he…

“Three weeks went by, and not a word from anyone. Just yesterday I received an email from President Bollinger telling me to ‘keep up the great work!’”, said Columbia Housing Executive Director…