Last year, I had a particularly unfortunate Tinder hook-up experience which lasted roughly 30 seconds. The offending gentleman in question was completely unabashed, however, at his brief performance. Upon seeing my disappointment,…
Confused SEAS kid emerges from his Furnald room for the first time since March: ‘Where is everyone?’
“We are a pretty social dorm,” Kelvin bragged bashfully, “Before I went into hibernation, we organised a floor outing to see the Battle of the Bands in Lerner Party Space— our usual…
PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax -- I…
A diverse range of questions were fielded by the streamers’ tireless unpaid moderators, such as “Energy drink preferences,” “Best FPS Esports scene,” and “Is U.S. democracy a bourgeois fraud, and should the…
3. Chia pudding with anonymous accoutrements. It’s so fun to guess what dried food parcels are nestled into your healthy goo. Gwenyth Paltrow-endorsed, chia pudding always makes you feel better about yourself…
#1: Buy a penthouse on the Upper East Side. It can foster community and you won't be confined to a small apartment. It worked for iconic Columbia students Serena van der Woodsen…
It’s time to break out those safety scissors from your second grade pencil box. (Poultry scissors will suffice in a pinch.) Just grab a chunk of hair from the center of your…
Although Trump ignored RBG’s dying wish of being replaced after the election, she can rest easy knowing her replacement is not only from the “very disgraceful, liberal institution” where she went to…
To whomever is reading this: I am a cold, soggy-ass, lonely fucking slice of chickpea pizza. I was “baked” on March 10th (originally frozen a year prior). I used to gleefully bask…
The email continued “Although Justice Ginsberg may have begun law school at Harvard and only transferred to Columbia to accommodate her husband’s new job, her diploma says ‘Columbia’ so we get to…
“The appearance of the law must be upheld— especially when it is being broken.”Thought this was a murmuring about Columbia graduate students being evicted and losing their funding during a global pandemic?…
“Of course, Columbia has an ANTI-HAZING POLICY, so we will be abiding by that rule. OK now that all the narcs are gone, let’s get down to business.”…
