Stanford stumbled in midway through the soup course, half naked and tanned. Setting down his surfboard, he winked at USC (who was staring openly at his abs). “Sorry,” Stanford said, “it’s super…
. “I knew that this would be a great opportunity to celebrate all of the friendships I’ve made this year,” she told The Fed. “Unfortunately, my only Columbia freshman friend lives in…
How to Get People to Take Your Quarantine Complaints Seriously: A Guide for Trust Fund Babies
5. Lament to the Nobu delivery person about how much you miss the ambience…
Pope’s Bikini Model Mishap Inspires 13-Year-Old to Contest Hotel Porn Charges
We at The Federalist have been closely monitoring his finsta account, @FrancisLuvsFannies, and have discovered no such likes. This leads us to believe that while he conceals his freakier follows, the Pope…
Keep driving your gas-guzzling Lexuses and running the AC with the windows open, because if we keep up the good work, we can expect a big blue wave to flood coastlines across…
When asked if these restrictions felt like a fresh blow to an already difficult situation for international students in the US, Richard said, “You bet! I feel like I have been self-rejecting…
Sweeping with the Throws: The Columbia Federalist’s Guide to COVID-19 and the 2020-2021 Curling Season
Curling fans from St. John’s to Nanaimo are bracing for what might be the most disastrous curling season since Broomgate. This time it's not IcePad that threatens the roaring game, but rather…
Although Trump ignored RBG’s dying wish of being replaced after the election, she can rest easy knowing her replacement is not only from the “very disgraceful, liberal institution” where she went to…
The email continued “Although Justice Ginsberg may have begun law school at Harvard and only transferred to Columbia to accommodate her husband’s new job, her diploma says ‘Columbia’ so we get to…