When asked by Federalist reporters about her dedication to clean eating, Woods replied, “My body is a temple. It’s important to respect it by avoiding harmful products.” She then whipped out a…
Gone are the days of performance evaluations and career fairs. Now, I focus on ensuring my Sim prepares a Michelin star meal every night for her breadwinning husband.…
To whomever is reading this: I am a cold, soggy-ass, lonely fucking slice of chickpea pizza. I was “baked” on March 10th (originally frozen a year prior). I used to gleefully bask…
Jensen had been frequenting JJ’s since his first semester at Columbia, when the smell of greasy, heart attack-inducing food lured him from his John Jay single at 4 A.M.…
Following President Lee Bolligner’s announcement that the Fall semester will be fully online, Columbia Dining has unveiled a brand new, virtual dining plan to keep milking accommodate students who will not return…
It’s been 15 weeks without my cherished Gong Cha Tea, and I think the withdrawal symptoms are in full effect. The rivers of boba have run dry, and visions of tapioca pearls…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
Today, the Fed presents a lesson in biology from the newly unearthed “Orange Diaries” of Charles Darwin.…
