We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅
star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low.…
Duo, Columbia’s student account multi-factor verification service, has been known to terrorize students with unnecessary identity verification before they even step on campus. To address user concerns of not being able to…
In a heretofore unseen display of brutality, Economics Professor Ben Gordon quietly revised the deadline for Problem Set 3 of UN2178: The German Economy from 11:59 PM to 11:58 PM, resulting in…
College spring break: a quintessential experience one must endure in their late teenage years. As I was up late researching all-inclusive resorts in tropical locations for under 50 dollars, I came to…
Following a rambunctious Halloween party, Sarah Fitzgerald (CC ‘25) was heard drunkenly joking to a friend how her “Instagram stories will keep [her] out of office forever!” Sarah, who has already gained…
A classroom of environmental science and engineering majors was befuddled recently by the strange enthusiasm of Professor Matthew Nguyen as he explained the effects of ocean acidification on the ocean’s role as…
Originally expecting a Spring 2024 completion, the renovation projects in the Francine A. LeFrak Foundation Center for Well-Being in Barnard Hall is being delayed due to a brief business venture with Spirit…
Following the finalizations of sorority recruitment this week, the CDC has announced a new, dangerous illness pertinent to the sorority community, those adjacent to the sorority community, and those who have been…
The stunning grand opening of Chef Don’s Pizza Pi, the newest dining hall on campus, has had students buzzing with excitement. Thoughtfully dubbed with a mathematical pun strategically generated to lure in…
