I believed the cliches in the media that as soon as I left for college, my parents would end their 20-year marriage. Well, here I am, halfway through my freshman year, looking…
We here at the Federalist are proud to announce that we are for boats. If our readers have had one complaint about our work over the years, it is that we haven’t…
Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society (CUMS) has come out this week with an open letter to the Columbia community calling out the university on “decades of marginalization.” CUMS is demanding more architectural representation…
In a shocking email from Columbia University released mere moments ago, new data supplied by Columbia University shows that Columbia University ranks number one across all US News and World Report categories.…
Fresh off of landmark careers of blocking, stalling, and haggling their way to the front of the national stage, Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have become Columbia University’s newest hires. “We…
“Was I hoping to be president? Sure. But as anyone who knows me can attest, I’ve always said, ‘If I can’t be president, then I’d want to be a dead ghost roaming…
Trump’s inability to take on the Hazing in 2017, after Obama joined the Accords in 2016, previously cost the US membership. Sources have relayed that he proved himself to be “a bit…
Cruz, a notable Zodiac Killer impersonator who is a little too good at his job, told Federalist reporters he had a really really good reason for his vacation. (Our reporters would have…
Econ-cardio atrophius: Nearly all of Columbia’s econ majors suffer from this devastating condition wherein the act of consistently subordinating the needs of society to personal wealth causes the heart to atrophy. Common…
