Colin, a first-year PoliSci student from Ohio, called his mom to tell her he finally got invited to his first college party! He didn’t even get to the Carman floor nine lounge…
We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅
star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low.…
After the historic announcement that President Biden will not seek reelection after months of concern regarding his mental state, Democratic Party members shifted to their next elderly target: Columbia’s 114-year-old lion mascot…
After thousands of Columbia students found out via random GroupMe messages that the 2024 campus-wide graduation ceremony had been canceled, university president, Minouche Shafik, threw in the towel and said “fuck it,…
Good news, Columbia! The university has released new event policies that will strengthen our ability to make our voices heard and contribute to ongoing political conversations and in return, all they are…
As the House of Representatives has recently voted to expel George Santos, there has been a swarm of media attention surrounding his future career plans. In a statement made on Friday morning,…
Following a rambunctious Halloween party, Sarah Fitzgerald (CC ‘25) was heard drunkenly joking to a friend how her “Instagram stories will keep [her] out of office forever!” Sarah, who has already gained…
Notorious misogynist and (even worse) Canadian Jordan Peterson is coming to campus and instead of telling you where or when you can find him speaking, I recommend you put that bigotry boner…
In a shocking bipartisan decision, the United States Congress recently passed a bill moving April Fools’ to day 31 of the month. Despite unclear motivations or need for such a change, the…
“They say blood runs thicker than sauce… but for my brother Mike, that sauce wasn’t marinara; it was Italian dressing.” -Chef Don To understand the shocking—yet unreported—schism in the Columbia Dining community,…
