Club promoter “Parents Weekend” is back, with an all-new atmosphere for cultivating familial longing. It’s that thing where your parents never invite you home because it’s not ‘worth it for just a…
President-elect Donald Trump recently nominated U.S. Representative Matt Gaetz to be the next Attorney General in his cabinet. Gaetz was thrilled by the nod from Trump and is already making a list…
While White House staff has been dreading the return of President-elect Donald Trump, they acknowledge that they are better equipped to handle his needs this time around. In preparation for Trump’s second…
In his last press conference as the sitting President of the United States, President Biden announced that he had finalized a deal with the fitness company SoulCycle to join the team as…
On Sunday, former President Donald Trump announced that he was dropping out of the upcoming presidential election. Instead, Trump will be switching races to run for the seat of NYC mayor in…
On Saturday, numerous Columbia twinks gave reports that they saw Senator JD Vance dancing alone at Hardware, a famous Hell’s Kitchen queer bar. According to one particularly disgusted bar patron, Vance was…
Columbia Federalist reporters were lucky to catch Ohio-native, congressman, and vice-president-hopeful J.D. Vance on his way home from the furniture store and asked him a few questions in advance of the general…
After enormous media backlash for derogatory remarks made by a comedian at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally on Sunday including calling Puerto Rico an “island of garbage,” the former president’s campaign has…
Presidential candidate Kamala Harris’ social media campaign seems to have taken a different direction recently, drawing attention to her newest social media team member, a “Mrs. Styles.” Her latest additions to the…
Neil Gorsuch is distinctly not dead. However, his legacy of The Fed takes up enough of my time and sanity that I must question his inadvertent influence on my life. I’m becoming…
