"I had no idea how much regionalist scorn I was in for when I ordered the classic BUSHDID9/11 and mozzarella panini from Hamilton Deli."…
"Usually we let the admissions process grind them up and spit them out, but we had to step in here."…
"You simple fool, you can’t even fathom the mistakes you make."…
"Columbia must have been his safety school. Anyone with a dick that nice applied to Harvard early.”…
"I am an only child—and yet, the grill is their favorite member of the family."…
"To all the students emailing me to 'talk about the class,' just drop it. I’m not interested."…
"Approach the first hot girl you see, taking the shortest path possible—use Dijkstra’s algorithm here if necessary."…
"I know I shouldn't, but those mozzarella sticks are so damn good." …
Beware: anyone who approaches Alphadouchies will likely succumb to verbal abuse rooted in insecurities.…
“I don’t need your pity. But I do need you to buy this pan flute CD for $5.”…
