"The higher your temperature, the more massive your disco stick.”…
Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…
One thing led to another, and my night, I am sorry to say, ended in the basement of Mudd.…
My body is being torn apart; not by hormones, but by the trauma of Andrew Yang leaving the presidential race. I'll never get my $1000 now.…
The Fed Endorses Warren, Klobuchar, Sanders, Biden, Buttigieg, Yang, Bloomberg, and Trump
by Alex Horn
No matter who wins, we called it.…
The department will focus on attempting to heal people through “the power of love”, a technique originally pioneered by Ms. Willamson while tripping on LSD in Ram Dass’s Jacuzzi.…
Trump Threatens to Bomb Iranian Cultural Sites, Iran Threatens to Bomb McDonalds
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Ernie Bertland
General Soleimani was a martyr and a hero. America only has fictional heros, like Spongebob and Ronald McDonald.…
Hell will now be relocated to an area just west of Heaven, and will still be kinda shitty, but in a trendy way, and with the option for Holy Gentrification by next…
Santa managed to eject before the collision; however, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer along with his other fellow reindeer were killed. #RIPtheReindeer has been trending on Twitter, while clowns all over the…
The dichotomy of this masterpiece is that it panders to a liberal audience through its name whilst simultaneously subverting the ridiculous standard to which the white male is held in society.…
