"A notification on my computer, with those 5 accursed words in the subject line: RE: Clery Crime Alert - Robbery. James McShane knew. James McShane did this."…
"They’ve even started making sure that new pledges play FIFA, just to correct the mistake that I am."…
"I don't know how to explain it. Just looking at the advanced data, I felt really confident that Vladimir Putin was going to be the next President of Russia."…
“I WILL NOT LIVE IN MCBAIN, KATHERINE, I DON’T CARE WHERE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S SUITE IS.”…
"Hey Dad, it's me - Brian. Would you potentially be free later this week for a coffee chat?"…
"His name is Poncho Firedust, and I need him to feel safe," demanded the 67-year-old chemistry professor.…
“Admitting Frank into the undergraduate body goes against this university's principles. That kid fucking sucks.”…
Joe began to laugh. “Who is Willy Valentini? Only the Dean of Columbia, the mad genius who keeps this whole place running!"…
According to witnesses, the last words he uttered before chugging his sixth Bud Light and stumbling out the door were, “Imma bout to send it.”…
"Also, impending North Korean nuclear annihilation."…
