“From the way he interrupted the professor repeatedly, I could tell that he had, on multiple occasions, slipped a knife into another man’s neck without remorse.” …
“Our studies have shown that over 84% of freshman boys assume they will walk right into a vagina their first night on campus, even if they are wearing Crocs and socks,”…
“As University President, I require ample space for Columbia’s mission to grow, and for me to spread out at night and read the Audi owner’s manual.”…
AMSTERDAM — Principles of Economics professor Sunil Gulati, 59, was seen this morning utilizing the invisible hand of the free market to disentangle his uncomfortably-positioned testicles. After bystander Andrew Colon ’20 witnessed…
“For some reason, students seemed dissatisfied with our nonexistent appointment times, emotionally unavailable staff, and imposing bureaucratic system.” …
I was trying to listen when you talked to me about your grandmother’s tragic passing from pneumonia, but frankly, it just didn’t draw me in. …
“Going to school in Manhattan guarantees a jam-packed schedule of posing for group pictures, spending $300 on bottle service, and Juuling on the Le Bain terrace.”…
“I know it’s totally quirky to like a film star from the fifties, but Audrey is just such a fashion icon.”…
Prezbo has been named an unindicted co-conspirator. …
“You mean I can get a degree for talking about kicking it with the boys, crushing a few brews, maybe even hitting the gym?”…
