You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.…
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUBSeventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESSEighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC…
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a…
“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.…
After Ancestry.com Binge, President Bollinger Comes Out as One-Sixteenth Native American
by Anonymous
In his concluding remarks, Bollinger made a surprising revelation: “I have been notified by my ancestors that all lands previously inhabited by the Lenape people have been granted to me, personally.”…
In Effort to Compete with Other Women’s Colleges, Barnard Opens Admission to Students of All Gender Identities
by Mimi Evans
Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.” …
At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere. But then came the op-eds.…
“I’m told at one point, the quiz registered full attendance while only twelve students were in the room,” police chief Marcellus Johnson explained. “Something had to be done.”…
“He just looks so thin and pale in his facestagrams that I knew I had to give him his own mother’s medicine: my famous Latkes!” Marsha said.…
Columbia Economics Department: “The Only Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism is Eating Ass”
by Alex Horn
Professors in the Columbia Department of Economics confirmed that according to their research, the only product that can be morally consumed under our current economic system is the asshole of an acquaintance.…
