“Will there be someone there to sign me in?” - Faith Kwanzaa Rubenstein, BC ‘22. Major: Queering Intersectional Veganism…
Craig Reede, the President of WADA, said that, “Russia was afforded every opportunity to pump their cyclists with testosterone and ketamine, but the results have not been satisfactory.”…
“BDS is, like, super cool. My ex-girlfriend from high school is studying Bachelor of Dental Surgery in the UK — she says it’s dope. I miss her.”…
What Musk is saying is that these windows can only be broken by a small metal ball. They can endure “wrenches” and the “kitchen sink,” even the slug that vaporized JFK’s head!…
When asked if the group members had any concerns about the carbon footprint of an animal-based meal, they all responded “carbon schmarbon” in perfect unison…
“I’m on the verge of a fucking breakdown. If I don’t get into ‘Earth, Moon, and Planets’ I might need to drop out and reconsider my entire future.”…
The subjects were seen frantically pantomiming, soliloquizing, and talking to a skull in the vicinity of Miller Theatre. There is one casualty confirmed at this time.…
President Bollinger has also ordered a pair of headphones for every member of the Columbia administration, so that they will be safeguarded from “noisy distractions. . . like that pesky graduate student…
The Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, Jessica Marinaccio, stated to The Federalist that all of the applications were submitted to the General Studies school with the heading, “LET ME IN CUZ I FUCKING…
"Does selling out count as an extracurricular?"…
