Even though we’re in the midst of a pandemic, there’s still so much pressure to meet someone you like, build a symbiotic relationship, and produce 100 zygotes by the age of 27.…
“Next season is looking very promising for us,” Declares Columbia Football Coach after every other School Cancels Season…
SSOL Crashing: Once every pandemic, Columbia decides to open the gates of the virtual gladiatorial colosseum that is the SSOL registration page, allowing students to fight over precious Zoom spots in Sunil…
Make friends and have sex…
While the exact details are yet to be finalised, it is rumored that the class will be taught by Barack Obama—our famous alum who, as an international from Kenya, quit smoking nearly…
“Screw it, turn it in whenever you want! It’s not like thousands of students are hanging onto your every word or anything,” the email read.…
Earlier today, President Bollinger outlined the university’s fall housing plans. Bollinger wrote, “In an effort to mitigate the on-campus spread of COVID-19, we have created a new housing system.…
Columbia Confession: Blowing Bubbles Into Tea Just Isn’t the Same as Drinking Bubble Tea
by Matthew Nola and Nikhil Mehta
It’s been 15 weeks without my cherished Gong Cha Tea, and I think the withdrawal symptoms are in full effect. The rivers of boba have run dry, and visions of tapioca pearls…
And look, I’m not saying that I’m going to reenact the end of The Shining, I’m just open to the possibility.…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
