“The appearance of the law must be upheld— especially when it is being broken.”Thought this was a murmuring about Columbia graduate students being evicted and losing their funding during a global pandemic?…
“Of course, Columbia has an ANTI-HAZING POLICY, so we will be abiding by that rule. OK now that all the narcs are gone, let’s get down to business.”…
A first-year CC student, who has opted to remain anonymous, has denied any wrongdoing. He claimed to Federalist reporters that “[he] was just trying to make things as close to real life…
Barnard students, once promised a sweet, sweet, robust, multi-million-dollar, testing regime, are left to fuck themselves with a Hitachi wand. Instead, Columbia donated Barnard’s shipment of fucks to NYU under the circumstances…
This morning Pres Daddy Bo and Pres Daddy Hamilton announced a historic merger of their respective universities: Columbia and NYU. This marks a pivotal moment in the histories of both institutions, which…
The Federalist’s NSA liaison confirmed that Mr. Martinson covered his camera with a sticky note. He then filled his cart with approximately $150 worth—one tee shirt and a key chain—of Columbia College…
4. Biting your lip continuously for three minutes straight. The science is there folks: biting your lip for extended periods of time actually restricts blood flow to your lips and sends it…
Band, this one can’t be bandaged: there’s been a bunch of banter recently ‘bout your banditry and abuse. It’s got me thinking, should the once-banned band be banned yet again and banished…
We’re pleased to announce that we will be sending you everything you need to host an NSOP rager at home.…
Jensen had been frequenting JJ’s since his first semester at Columbia, when the smell of greasy, heart attack-inducing food lured him from his John Jay single at 4 A.M.…
