Kiss right here ________ and hold on to this issue of The Fed to AFFIRM this message. The universe has something in store for you. They are thinking about how to text…
An investigation by your loyal Federalists has revealed a harrowing truth: the beloved books lining the walls of your favorite reading room in Butler are fakes! A tip was called in by…
As of 1:47 AM, The Federalist can officially confirm that your roommate has officially thrown his hat into the ring and is currently running for CC 2026 class representative. In a stunning…
2. “heyy could I see your answers for the french hw” 3. “What’s your uni?” 4. “Anyone want to meet up this weekend to study?” If you answered mostly A’s, you are…
To the girl who sits in front of me in my Intro to Art History lecture, I am so grateful that you still think that if the brightness on your laptop is…
New reports confirm that Barron Trump, in an attempt to juice up the attendance for his freshman-year birthday party at NYU, has proclaimed that one lucky partygoer will be selected to serve…
Columbia’s annual tree lighting is a cherished tradition to students and faculty alike. This year, make sure you’re there in person when the big moment comes. Administration has rearranged the schedule to…
Maybe it was hubris. Musically, I had a great year. Finally, I had freed myself from the soul-crushing grip of my middle-school music taste. I perused music Twitter. I watched Anthony Fantano…
One of the most important roles of a Columbia professor is to misrepresent facts to indoctrinate students into socialist, America-hating, pink-haired freaks. This is not only a part of their job description,…
One thing about my parents, my lovely, caring, generous parents, is that they’ve put a lot of time and effort into my education. They put me in all the best schools growing…