LERNER 569 (nice) — A survey of attendees at last Sunday’s Federalist meeting has revealed a surprising trend in the highly esteemed paper’s writers. Noticing dwindling attendance numbers, Supreme Overlords Gustie and…
Hey older bro, It looks like you and your friends have been having a lot of fun swiping your cards and then walking through the turnstiles and then coming back and swiping…
“What was your role at a high school party?’ Actually, in high school, I pregamed our Model UN social with three Mike’s Hard Lemonades and hooked up with my ex boyfriend, so…
In a recent university-wide email, Provost Mary C. Boyce admitted to some misconceptions she held about the recently ended labor strike, saying that she thought the phrase ‘Columbia Strikers’ referred to “perhaps…
After a year and a half of virtual classes and a global pandemic, the Columbia gods decided to serve up some fresh tragedies for us to enjoy—because, apparently, we haven’t experienced enough…
After a series of 3:00 AM walks back to Carlton Arms from frat parties and late Butler nights, Kayne Carter CC’24 has been adopted by a family of rats that he frequently…
LERNER HALL — When asked by a friend if he would be going to the Columbia Clefhangers’ end-of-semester concert this past weekend, Josh Carleton, CC ‘24, shocked and appalled the second floor…
When asked what his New Year’s resolutions were, Columbia economics major Andrew Macdougal shared his charitable intentions for 2022. He understands that not everyone will have the opportunity to work at Goldman…
This Is Just to Say I have eaten the Canada Goose that was in your closet…
BUTLER LIBRARY — Dim lights flicker through the tunnels beneath Butler Library at 3:00 am. Whispers fill the corridors—they seem to be coming from behind the walls, but one cannot tell exactly…
