Inspired by and directly stolen from Robert Frost Two Canada Gooses diverged in a dorm closet, And sorry I could not wear both And be doubly-coated, long I stood And looked at…
Kiss right here ________ and hold on to this issue of The Fed to AFFIRM this message. The universe has something in store for you. They are thinking about how to text…
Ever been polishing your pearl and thought, You know what would make this better? A little Ivy League spirit. Or maybe you’re rendezvousing with that special someone and suddenly wonder, Would my…
Fearing an imminent change in employment, Mayor Eric Adams was recently seen editing his application to the School of General Studies, unsure if his knowledge of the Turkish language will help or…
An investigation by your loyal Federalists has revealed a harrowing truth: the beloved books lining the walls of your favorite reading room in Butler are fakes! A tip was called in by…
Grandma got run over by Chef Mike Walking home from Uris Christmas Eve You can say he never meant to do it But as for all the students we believe She’d been…
Ahead of President-re-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration, businesses are making big changes to their environmental messaging, adapting to dire projections of climate change. Everyone’s favorite childhood restaurant, the Rainforest Cafe, has announced that…
As of 1:47 AM, The Federalist can officially confirm that your roommate has officially thrown his hat into the ring and is currently running for CC 2026 class representative. In a stunning…
2. “heyy could I see your answers for the french hw” 3. “What’s your uni?” 4. “Anyone want to meet up this weekend to study?” If you answered mostly A’s, you are…
To the girl who sits in front of me in my Intro to Art History lecture, I am so grateful that you still think that if the brightness on your laptop is…
