Barnard College of Columbia University announced that in honor of the upcoming inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump, the school would be releasing a new line of merchandise for immediate purchase. Introducing: the…
As a result of the Columbia Lions’ recent epic losses, Roar–ee stated in a recent interview with The Federalist that, after some self-reflection, he has decided it will be best for his…
Last week, The Fed announced that they would be re-registering as a corporation within the state of Pennsylvania, effectively giving their 40+ members the right to register and vote (albeit belatedly) in…
Today, New York City officially made one of its most ancient and sacred practices legal. Even though I didn’t even know it was actually “illegal,” the rebellious act of crossing the street…
In the wake of Donald Trump’s landslide victory in the 2024 presidential election, many of us have leveraged our shock and outrage into speculation. There has been furious debate online about which…
Come one! Come all! Hear ye this tale of woe, and depart with a new hack for this dreadful winter season. A fortnight ago, ‘twas shiveringly cold in my dormitory. I tossed…
In a recent announcement via their diplomatic envoy, “Little France” (the tiny run-off nation located in the narrow corridor between the Lawns and Butler Library) has begun strict enforcement of their border.…
Do you know what’s in your breakfast? A concerning new study has revealed that the scrambled eggs served in Columbia and Barnard dining halls actually contain trace amounts of egg. The study…
In response to the recent Timothée Chalamet look-alike contest in New York in October, a Harry Styles look-alike contest emerged in London, a Paul Mescal look-alike contest in Dublin, and a Jeremy…
Following a recent NYC Health food inspection of Ferris Booth Commons, the directorship of Columbia Dining was last seen pouring through their Health Standards syllabus to see if their end-of-year grade would…
