You spent the last four years studying at the number 12 ranked University in the nation! Congrats! And now you’re graduating, but how will you presumptuously let the world know what you’ve…
In a leaked letter to faculty and staff from Baroness Shafik and the Board of Trustees, The Fed has discovered the real reason why campus has closed and commencement has been canceled. …
In a shocking email sent at 1:13am, President Shafik, in conjunction with the Board of Trustees, announced that the next year at Columbia has been canceled due to an increased risk of…
Earlier today, it was discovered that Columbia University had canceled its main commencement ceremony, which typically takes place on the Morningside campus from Butler lawns to Low Library. Major media outlets such…
After thousands of Columbia students found out via random GroupMe messages that the 2024 campus-wide graduation ceremony had been canceled, university president, Minouche Shafik, threw in the towel and said “fuck it,…
In an effort to make graduation more accessible to families out of town, and for no other reason, Columbia announces its spring commencement ceremony will be streamed via drone feed provided by…
Given the high tensions on campus and the recent lockdown of Columbia’s Morningside campus, Columbia and Barnard administrators are done with their facades of “dialogue” and “student safety.” In a joint statement,…
Chef Mike’s recently announced that they would be introducing a new sandwich: the Liberation Special. The special will include chicken breast, lettuce, tomatoes, and olives, a colorful array of fillings suited for…
In a statement to the Office of Public Affairs, President Shafik wrote: “Well they’re already here anyway.”…
Radio’s back, baby!…
