In an attempt to reconcile a shockingly dark display of a way-too-invested girl on her knees shouting “Why god whyyyy!!” outside the FacShack dinner line, I decided to invest in myself—well, technically,…
No seriously: he just sits there, randomly guesses four things, and somehow manages to be one away. Then he uses all his guesses, gets nothing right, opens an incognito tab, and does…
A new USNews report released on Sunday revealed Columbia’s rise in USNews’ specialized rankings, reportedly due to recent data releases regarding the employment statuses of past university presidents. Over the last three…
A staggering new study has confirmed a long-standing concern in the Columbia community—one of these dorky little assholes is, indeed, the next Barack Obama. Columbia’s proud history of accomplished and influential alumni…
The Atlantic recently published an article titled “The Elite College Students Who Can’t Read Books,” discussing a trend of disinterest in class content by students at Columbia and other competitive schools. Their…
Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
Despite promising a warm welcome for new transfer students to Barnard College’s tight-knit community, Residential Life & Housing rejected and waitlisted nearly all housing applications from transfers. By August, only 30 out…
The Hudson River: home to fish, party cruises, sewage, chemical contamination, and, now, the Columbia College swim test. In a recent change by Columbia administrators, students graduating in 2028 and later will…
Oh Woozoo, Your blessed blades breathe air within my Brooks dorm room Your swiveling head surveys atop the shoebox, sustaining a subtle breeze that whispers a coo I know it is not…
