Oh how I wish I could go back to the day when I clicked that little “Upload Photo” box on SSOL. It seemed so innocent, just begging me to have some fun…
No, we’re not fucking with you. For once, The Federalist is publishing real news. According to a report released by Sunrise Columbia, the university has accepted $43 MILLION from fossil fuel corporations…
As the school year kicks off, I must issue a warning to everyone attending Barnard/Columbia!! Whether you’re entering college or considering dabbling in a new dating pool, I have an urgent PSA:…
Have you ever exited Hewitt–brownie, pizza, and soft serve in hand–and been stared down by a brown-haired, turtlenecked headshot of the elusive “Barnard Dietitian?” Perhaps you also pondered questions like: should I…
Colin, a first-year PoliSci student from Ohio, called his mom to tell her he finally got invited to his first college party! He didn’t even get to the Carman floor nine lounge…
We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅❄ star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low.…
Declaring that they were “getting back to their roots” and expressing their “sadness that it didn’t work out,” the Columbia University Board of Trustees announced in a recent email that they plan…
PRESIDENT SHAFIK IS GONE. WE BEAT SPEC TO TELLING YOU. TIMES ARE A’CHANGIN. NO NEED FOR MORE SPEC-FED FRISBEE GAMES, WE WIN BABYYYYY…
“They Got Joe, but They Won’t Get Me,” 114-Year-Old Roar-ee Insists He is Still Fit to Serve Despite Concerns About His Age
After the historic announcement that President Biden will not seek reelection after months of concern regarding his mental state, Democratic Party members shifted to their next elderly target: Columbia’s 114-year-old lion mascot…