“I’m not asking for much. I mean, don’t be so stingy! A small $50,000 gift will suffice to give my Audi a 6-inch lift.”…
"It may be hard work, but we will never stop policing injustices as long as doing so draws attention to our social media presence.”…
"Program participants will receive an engraved Brown University bong, readily available for purchase at the university bookstore for $39.95."…
"I always just assumed I would work at Morgan Stanley, but recently I’ve been dreaming about McKinsey.”…
“Let’s not mince words: the students at this school are fugly."…
“If Mother Teresa can be a saint, so can this sandwich."…
Activism by any means possible.…
"If anything, data suggests that these little fuckers are actually getting dumber with every passing year.”…
"Remember the fallen comrades in classes with an undergraduate-determined curve."…
Moving one’s bowels is like real estate—it’s all about location, location, location!…
