“I’ve been hitting the gym, putting myself out there socially, and overall trying to be a more well-rounded person,” said the man who within three months will be sitting alone in a…
For too long the bourgeois registrar has had its boot on the neck of the genteel undergrad, mandating that students “attend their classes,” lest they “fail” them and run the “risk” of…
He did decide to leave a number of his ties at home, packing only twenty-four.…
“I remember watching them prance toward the elevator, ready to chug six Voda shots and pass out behind a kitchen counter, and thinking, ‘I made this happen.’”…
“From the way he interrupted the professor repeatedly, I could tell that he had, on multiple occasions, slipped a knife into another man’s neck without remorse.” …
“Our studies have shown that over 84% of freshman boys assume they will walk right into a vagina their first night on campus, even if they are wearing Crocs and socks,”…
“As University President, I require ample space for Columbia’s mission to grow, and for me to spread out at night and read the Audi owner’s manual.”…
AMSTERDAM — Principles of Economics professor Sunil Gulati, 59, was seen this morning utilizing the invisible hand of the free market to disentangle his uncomfortably-positioned testicles. After bystander Andrew Colon ’20 witnessed…
“For some reason, students seemed dissatisfied with our nonexistent appointment times, emotionally unavailable staff, and imposing bureaucratic system.” …
“Going to school in Manhattan guarantees a jam-packed schedule of posing for group pictures, spending $300 on bottle service, and Juuling on the Le Bain terrace.”…
