Following President Lee Bolligner’s announcement that the Fall semester will be fully online, Columbia Dining has unveiled a brand new, virtual dining plan to keep milking accommodate students who will not return…
“Next season is looking very promising for us,” Declares Columbia Football Coach after every other School Cancels Season…
SSOL Crashing: Once every pandemic, Columbia decides to open the gates of the virtual gladiatorial colosseum that is the SSOL registration page, allowing students to fight over precious Zoom spots in Sunil…
Make friends and have sex…
While the exact details are yet to be finalised, it is rumored that the class will be taught by Barack Obama—our famous alum who, as an international from Kenya, quit smoking nearly…
“Screw it, turn it in whenever you want! It’s not like thousands of students are hanging onto your every word or anything,” the email read.…
Earlier today, President Bollinger outlined the university’s fall housing plans. Bollinger wrote, “In an effort to mitigate the on-campus spread of COVID-19, we have created a new housing system.…
We obvs believe all women, except if they accuse one of our bros of sexual assault. That’s just not cool, brah. All our Sigma Apple Pie bros are hot as fuck, they…
Sorority Girl Who “Loves How Her Birthday is Always During Spring Break” Feeling Less Smug Now
by Blake Jones
“It’s kind of, like, my thing, you know, that’s who I am and to have that taken away from me, it’s just, like, dude, that’s really not cool... like, I don’t think…
I am writing as both a personal gentrifier and an institutional one. Like the rest of white America who is just now learning about anti-Black racism, I have been pondering current events…
