Following the success of her inaugural Year of Science, Barnard President Sian Beilock has announced last minute plans to immediately begin the Year of Dartmouth™. Beilock announced the following mandates early Tuesday…
Columbia University has finally responded to its demotion on the U.S. News and World Report college ranking list, decrying the campus-wide scandal as the beginning of the University’s “Reputation Era.” President Lee…
Barnard’s guest policy has reached draconian heights with the requirement that the “penis fountains” that adorn Low steps must be turned off past 8 PM. Barnard Dean Leslie Grinage wrote to students,…
In a shocking email from Columbia University released mere moments ago, new data supplied by Columbia University shows that Columbia University ranks number one across all US News and World Report categories.…
Ass Asshole Bastard Bitch Bollocks Cock Damn Dick Fuck Hell Shit Wanker Oh shit, they really did it. They really published all those words. This is the First Amendment in action. Love,…
SEAS boy A cute boy in a Jae Woo Lee Hackathon t-shirt and a hoodie comes up to you in the library. You guys hit it off and he asks for your…
There’s nothing more Columbia than having no idea what courses you’ll be taking after the semester has already started….welcome, first-years! This “reading period” will be the two most humiliating weeks of your…
As a second semester first-year and senior, these scents have shaped our memories in clusters of Morningside Heights. Whether it be the putrid remnants of a wild night out at 1020 (rip),…
NEW YORK, NY— After an unexpected storm on Tuesday, first responders confirmed the death of Shrimp Rose and Shrimp Jack. The pair were attending the Columbia sponsored “Surf and Turf” when inclement…
This Monday, the Columbia College Student Council announced that senior cruise tickets for the Class of 2023 would be distributed based on students’ abilities to guess the number of Jelly Beans that…
