We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅
star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low.…
Declaring that they were “getting back to their roots” and expressing their “sadness that it didn’t work out,” the Columbia University Board of Trustees announced in a recent email that they plan…
PRESIDENT SHAFIK IS GONE. WE BEAT SPEC TO TELLING YOU. TIMES ARE A’CHANGIN. NO NEED FOR MORE SPEC-FED FRISBEE GAMES, WE WIN BABYYYYY…
In a leaked letter to faculty and staff from Baroness Shafik and the Board of Trustees, The Fed has discovered the real reason why campus has closed and commencement has been canceled. …
In a shocking email sent at 1:13am, President Shafik, in conjunction with the Board of Trustees, announced that the next year at Columbia has been canceled due to an increased risk of…
Earlier today, it was discovered that Columbia University had canceled its main commencement ceremony, which typically takes place on the Morningside campus from Butler lawns to Low Library. Major media outlets such…
In an effort to make graduation more accessible to families out of town, and for no other reason, Columbia announces its spring commencement ceremony will be streamed via drone feed provided by…
Given the high tensions on campus and the recent lockdown of Columbia’s Morningside campus, Columbia and Barnard administrators are done with their facades of “dialogue” and “student safety.” In a joint statement,…
In a statement to the Office of Public Affairs, President Shafik wrote: “Well they’re already here anyway.”…
