Recently uncovered documents from the Columbia University Libraries revealed that despite hundreds of years as an independent operation, Columbia University is technically a mere satellite campus for the New Jersey-based Princeton University.…
Public Safety Announces $22 Million Dollar Profit From Seized Items in Annual Room Checks
Following four years of disappointing returns exacerbated by the Coronavirus pandemic, Public Safety assuaged fears of its efficiency by bringing home the bacon big time: earning twenty-two million dollars in seized contraband…
Barnard College Ranks Above Columbia University; U.S. News Reports
This past Monday, U.S. News released its mid-year report on the nation’s highest-ranking colleges and universities. These rankings have been long-awaited, with Internet users and top government officials alike placing bets on…
Rejoice! Former University President Lee C. Bollinger has announced that in the spirit of Easter, he is resurrecting his presidency. When representatives from The Fed asked Prezbo about this radical move, he…
We’re really happy for them. Coming out can be a really scary thing, but this year’s decisions did it with pride. 🏳️🌈…
By Lee Bollinger I served as Columbia’s president for more than twenty years, even extending my tenure to keep the school stable during a global pandemic. For even longer, I worked to…
Oh, hi! Good afternoon! Wait, it’s only 11:45? The days just seem so much longer and fuller now. You know, because of my 8:40 class, of course! Golly, I just never realized…
In a heretofore unseen display of brutality, Economics Professor Ben Gordon quietly revised the deadline for Problem Set 3 of UN2178: The German Economy from 11:59 PM to 11:58 PM, resulting in…
Throughout the past few weeks, the Barnard administration has sent out a barrage of emails limiting Barnard students’ freedom of expression on campus. Amid student outcry and protest against these limitations, Rosenbury…