This Monday, the Columbia College Student Council announced that senior cruise tickets for the Class of 2023 would be distributed based on students’ abilities to guess the number of Jelly Beans that…
As we stood outside the iconic storefront, Street Rat-turned-Chef Remy struggled to hold back tears as NYC Health Department officials plastered their scathing condemnation of the beloved Columbia establishment.…
Super Bowl Provides Easy Excuse as to Why You’re Not Getting Any This Valentine’s Day
The Super Bowl’s unfortunate scheduling for the day before Valentine’s Day is DEFINITELY the reason your date canceled on you. We go to Columbia—it’s a football school for crying out loud! It…
If you, like us, are prone to procrastination and indecision, it might be hard to find a spot to take your date. Luckily, we Fed writers, with an extensive familiarity with all…
7:54 PM: These silly little idiots think they’re going to Staten Island. Little do they know, they’re going to the spookiest Halloween party in Astoria. Toot toot, this boat is the same…
University Offers Graduate Workers 25 Dining Dollars, Ball of Pocket Lint to Call off Strike
Following a strike announcement by the Student Workers of Columbia-UAW (SWC-UAW), University administrators released a statement offering a tentative deal to the students, pleading for the union to call off their planned…
When several students protested the insanity of this demand, a Columbia spokesman replied: “The university understands the financial difficulty of these unprecedented times—we did, after all, absorb the previously proposed 2% tuition…
3. Chia pudding with anonymous accoutrements. It’s so fun to guess what dried food parcels are nestled into your healthy goo. Gwenyth Paltrow-endorsed, chia pudding always makes you feel better about yourself…
“Of course, Columbia has an ANTI-HAZING POLICY, so we will be abiding by that rule. OK now that all the narcs are gone, let’s get down to business.”…
6. Peter Rabbit: 0/10 - Minus 9.5 points because he’s voiced by James Corden. Minus another 0.5 points because his movie mocks children with allergies… #CancelPeterRabbit let’s get it trending!!!!…