Tragic news came from Morningside Heights this week, where a group of students found their peer, Jonah Riviera, living in a flophouse allegedly known to locals as “Carlton Arms.” Riviera was found…
BREAKING: Landmark Study Finds Only 34% of American Uncles are Abnormally Racist
In anticipation of the holidays, a joint research publication from the Stanford University and Columbia University Psychology Departments unveiled that a mere 34% of American uncles fell above one standard deviation from…
Barnard College of Columbia University announced that in honor of the upcoming inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump, the school would be releasing a new line of merchandise for immediate purchase. Introducing the…
Every student to pass through these hallowed halls must come to the same realization: not that they’ve made the wrong choice to come to Columbia, nor that majoring in Poly Sci is…
Infamous for its controversial alumni including Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and Dr. Oz, the University of Pennsylvania really needed a cool, likeable alumnus to rebuke their current public perception as the nation’s…
BREAKING: Supreme Court Declares Presidential Turkey Pardon Unconstitutional, Returns Power to States
In a landmark ruling this week, the Supreme Court declared in a 6-3 decision that the Thanksgiving tradition in which the President pardons a turkey is actually a gross overreach of federal…
Like clockwork, Columbia’s class registration system has shut down as students try to select their classes for the Spring semester. An anonymous employee of the Registrar’s Office told The Federalist that the…
Columbia University Facilities announced this morning that the Butler Library stacks will be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in order to facilitate the production of more legacy students.…
In preparation for Homecoming, Columbia University’s Board of Trustees have announced their plans to retire Roar-ee and replace him with a new, very chill mascot. This decision comes after controversy over the…
Columbia Federalist reporters were lucky to catch Ohio-native, congressman, and vice-president-hopeful J.D. Vance on his way home from the furniture store and asked him a few questions in advance of the general…