Well. As of the writing of this article, it has been two weeks since I moved onto campus, kicking off my freshman year of college and the next four years of my…
Something Boring, Something Boxy and Blue Thou still unravish’d sculpture of eye soreness, Thou Barnumbia-child of grave and wasted dime, Art historian, who canst thus express An artist statement more…
On Saturday afternoon, the Dean of Columbia College, Dr. Josef Sorret, was spotted walking his Chihuahua and bumming a cigarette in Riverside Park–wearing jorts! Students also reported Sorret has a previously undisclosed…
Oh, you were at Brooklyn Mirage (pre-serial killer, obvs) bouncing around in a white tank with no bra on? That’s cool. I was trying to catch the B up to Times Square/42nd…
Moo Deng Falls Asleep During All-Nighter in Butler, Blows Snot Bubble Moo Deng Waits for 12oz Chai Latte in Liz’s Place Moo Deng and Her Mother Take Typical Family Photo With Alma…
As the school year kicks off, I must issue a warning to everyone attending Barnard/Columbia!! Whether you’re entering college or considering dabbling in a new dating pool, I have an urgent PSA:…
You spent the last four years studying at the number 12 ranked University in the nation! Congrats! And now you’re graduating, but how will you presumptuously let the world know what you’ve…
Radio’s back, baby!…
In an internal memo obtained by The Federalist, it’s been revealed that the Bacchanal supporting artist will be none other than the Tony-award-winning artist Lin-Manuel Miranda. Miranda is best known for the…
Every parent dreams of their child going to an amazing college… unless that child gets there and decides to major in the humanities, it seems! Sorry, Mom—if, instead of letting me read…
