“Hey guys and welcome to my What’s in My Bag vlog as a student at Columbia University! Today I’m going to be—oh, you need to check my bag? For non-racial profiling reasons……
I just love wearing Columbia merch. The moment that Champion-branded fabric touches my skin? Immediate chills. My chest swells with pride. My chin lifts. My mouth tugs back into a smug smile.…
On the twelfth day of winter break, my family gave me Twelve relatives questioning my degree Eleven laps around my boring hometown mall Ten local useless networking candidates to chat with Nine…
The sensible answer to whether you should or should not use a dating app in your hometown is ….. NO. However, The Fed is realistic. We know our readers are bored and…
Inspired by and directly stolen from Robert Frost Two Canada Gooses diverged in a dorm closet, And sorry I could not wear both And be doubly-coated, long I stood And looked at…
An investigation by your loyal Federalists has revealed a harrowing truth: the beloved books lining the walls of your favorite reading room in Butler are fakes! A tip was called in by…
Grandma got run over by Chef Mike Walking home from Uris Christmas Eve You can say he never meant to do it But as for all the students we believe She’d been…
2. “heyy could I see your answers for the french hw” 3. “What’s your uni?” 4. “Anyone want to meet up this weekend to study?” If you answered mostly A’s, you are…
In response to the recent Timothée Chalamet look-alike contest in New York in October, a Harry Styles look-alike contest emerged in London, a Paul Mescal look-alike contest in Dublin, and a Jeremy…
Dear Madame Vice President, Heyyyy girly! We know you’ve been having A Week. Shots on us whenever you’re ready to talk, but in the meantime, have a playlist! Sincerely, The Fed 10.…
