Call me a crotchety old geezer if you like, but this newest generation is too soft. Ever since this latest “climate change” fad hit the streets, freshmen aren’t wiping out on the…
Forget Jane Street—the most in-demand summer internship this year is at the food truck at 116th and Broadway. Summer applications for the coveted Hooda Halal internship program opened this fall, and interested…
It’s that time of year again… your Butler crush has seen you in full cruddy midterms glory, that one JJs guy knows you by name, and your fall wardrobe is in free-fall…
Midterm season is upon us, and the ennui hangs thicker in the air than the scent of Dig Inn on 113th and Broadway. As you try to ignore the first caress of…
To all my wanton degenerates of Barnumbia, If you have felt a complete lack of vim, vigor, sex appeal, or any other ~lustful~ emotions since returning to campus, have no fear: I,…
Stunning investigative journalism by the Colombia Spectador recently discovered that Mondel Chocolates, the beloved chocolate shop on 114th and Broadway that nobody has ever been inside of, has stayed in business for…
Every parent dreams of their child going to an amazing college… unless that child gets there and decides to major in the humanities, it seems! Sorry, Mom—if, instead of letting me read…
Hi! It’s your Spotify Wrapped here! I just wanted to let you know that you (yes, you!) have the worst music taste out of pretty much every person who uses this app.…
All humanities classes are in Hamilton, you idiot STEM major. Actually, some of them were bi. My thesis on Nietzschean abstraction will serve me well when I am Columbia’s first Baton Rouge-based…
With the start of another academic year, student-led startups have been popping up all over Columbia’s campus, promising unsuspecting and hungry undergrads the melting glazed donut of their dreams if they sign…
