Oopsies! After the University’s recent decision to return to restricted gate access, the Columbia administration suffered a calamity they did not anticipate: accidentally locking themselves out. That’s right. For the last four…
No seriously: he just sits there, randomly guesses four things, and somehow manages to be one away. Then he uses all his guesses, gets nothing right, opens an incognito tab, and does…
Attention! The Fed is rebranding. After decades of faithfully serving the Columbia community in our current form, we have decided to shift gears. However, we are still unsure what exactly the new…
Butler Library staff recently switched file-organizing systems and discovered that the average book in the library is not as old as your mom. The Federalist spoke with the head of the project,…
On Friday, the Columbia Federalist staff writers Swalla Manob (CC ‘24) and Ina Ormazbals (GS ‘25) were met with accusations of academic plagiarism as reported anonymously to the administration. Even more shocking…
With students constantly decrying Columbia’s seemingly rigged class registration system, the university has announced its new strategy for ensuring that as many students get their desired classes as possible: waitlists for waitlists.…
As the House of Representatives has recently voted to expel George Santos, there has been a swarm of media attention surrounding his future career plans. In a statement made on Friday morning,…
With the growing popularity of Columbia’s newest dining option, Fac Shack, Columbia dining legend Chef Mike recently decided to open up the ‘Chef Mike Bike’ right next door. Enraged by the number…
