NEW YORK, NY—Interim President Katrina Armstrong of Columbia University announced today that she is stepping down from her current position on a particularly wobbly ladder outside of Low Library, effective April 1,…
ASPEN, CO—A shocking new report from the Department of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes has exposed an undercover collaboration between BigSki and BigKneeDoctor, with insiders alleging that ski resorts have been intentionally…
Washington, D.C.—In a surprise broadcast last night, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Donald Trump’s pick to head the Department of Health and Human Services, announced his first major policy initiative: a nationwide ban…
Ever been polishing your pearl and thought, You know what would make this better? A little Ivy League spirit. Or maybe you’re rendezvousing with that special someone and suddenly wonder, Would my…
Every student to pass through these hallowed halls must come to the same realization: not that they’ve made the wrong choice to come to Columbia, nor that majoring in Poly Sci is…
Columbia Federalist reporters were lucky to catch Ohio-native, congressman, and vice-president-hopeful J.D. Vance on his way home from the furniture store and asked him a few questions in advance of the general…
An individual’s relationship with their roommate is an intimate and ancient bond, one that requires constant communication and careful maintenance. Or at least, I thought so. When my roommate and I used…
It’s Halloween season and campus is as scary as ever. From the devilish decorations in our dining halls to vague attempts by RAs to be “festive,” the spooky feeling is spreading. Yet…
Die-hard Core Curriculum fans rejoice! The Center for the Core Curriculum is pleased to announce its newest addition to the Columbia Core Curriculum: “Masterpieces of Personal Hygiene,” otherwise referred to as “Stank…
Exactly two days ago today, I made a big decision. I decided to reject my offer at Goldman Sachs and take the leap into the part-time lawn care business, specifically the lawn…
