After a long, warm autumn season, I was finally feeling ready for the winter cold to set in. I had always enjoyed bundling up in a cozy winter coat, walking around and…
Our readers wrote in to ask questions of The Fed’s resident boy supergenius: Caleb Brooks, age 4, IQ of 280, from Lincoln, Nebraska. Q: Dear Caleb the boy supergenius, Sometimes when I’m…
BREAKING: Supreme Court Declares Presidential Turkey Pardon Unconstitutional, Returns Power to States
In a landmark ruling this week, the Supreme Court declared in a 6-3 decision that the Thanksgiving tradition in which the President pardons a turkey is actually a gross overreach of federal…
BREAKING: Exclusive Poll Reveals 99% of Undecided Mail-In Voters Just Can’t Seem to Find a Pen Anywhere
According to newly released data from the Pew Research Center, 99% of undecided voters who haven’t yet filled out their mail-in ballots for the 2024 Presidential Election “just can’t seem to find…
As Halloween approaches, you’re finally able to shift out of midterm mode and anticipate a fun weekend of costumes and parties. You brace yourself for spooky sightings of black cats, frightening ghouls,…
“I Literally Can’t Read or Write”: President Armstrong Announces Resignation After AI Detected in Her Email
Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
“I Literally Can’t Read or Write”: President Armstrong Announces Resignation After AI Detected in Her Email
Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
“Another boring day in the kitchen,” Chef Don mumbled to himself as he opened the door to the dining hall. Life is so mundane these days, he thought, and he began to…
FRESHMAN REGRET: I Made My Columbia ID Photo a “Silly One” and Now I Can’t Enter Campus Without Sticking My Tongue Out
Oh how I wish I could go back to the day when I clicked that little “Upload Photo” box on SSOL. It seemed so innocent, just begging me to have some fun…
“They Got Joe, but They Won’t Get Me,” 114-Year-Old Roar-ee Insists He is Still Fit to Serve Despite Concerns About His Age
After the historic announcement that President Biden will not seek reelection after months of concern regarding his mental state, Democratic Party members shifted to their next elderly target: Columbia’s 114-year-old lion mascot…