“Next season is looking very promising for us,” Declares Columbia Football Coach after every other School Cancels Season…
While the exact details are yet to be finalised, it is rumored that the class will be taught by Barack Obama—our famous alum who, as an international from Kenya, quit smoking nearly…
Top 10 Women Joe Biden Might pick as VP, Ranked From Hot to Not!
by Gustie Owens and Nurasyl Shokeyev
As Presidential hopeful Joe Biden begins to think about—and promptly forget—who should be his 2020 ticket buddy, the news world is racing to predict who the lucky lady could be.…
Today, the Fed presents a lesson in biology from the newly unearthed “Orange Diaries” of Charles Darwin.…
Bollinger declares himself the “Simba of this savannah.”…
Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…
Trump Threatens to Bomb Iranian Cultural Sites, Iran Threatens to Bomb McDonalds
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Ernie Bertland
General Soleimani was a martyr and a hero. America only has fictional heros, like Spongebob and Ronald McDonald.…
Santa managed to eject before the collision; however, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer along with his other fellow reindeer were killed. #RIPtheReindeer has been trending on Twitter, while clowns all over the…
The dichotomy of this masterpiece is that it panders to a liberal audience through its name whilst simultaneously subverting the ridiculous standard to which the white male is held in society.…
Russian Cyclists Banned from 2020 Olympics for Doping Too Little
by Harriet Place and Nurasyl Shokeyev
Craig Reede, the President of WADA, said that, “Russia was afforded every opportunity to pump their cyclists with testosterone and ketamine, but the results have not been satisfactory.”…
