It’s Halloween season and campus is as scary as ever. From the devilish decorations in our dining halls to vague attempts by RAs to be “festive,” the spooky feeling is spreading. Yet…
Die-hard Core Curriculum fans rejoice! The Center for the Core Curriculum is pleased to announce its newest addition to the Columbia Core Curriculum: “Masterpieces of Personal Hygiene,” otherwise referred to as “Stank…
In a shocking bipartisan decision, the United States Congress recently passed a bill moving April Fools’ to day 31 of the month. Despite unclear motivations or need for such a change, the…
Earlier this month, Federalist reporters were offered an exclusive opportunity to sit down with the newest famous Columbia alumna, McBain Mold. From their meek rental fridge beginnings to their newly minted Hollywood…
“They say blood runs thicker than sauce… but for my brother Mike, that sauce wasn’t marinara; it was Italian dressing.” -Chef Don To understand the shocking—yet unreported—schism in the Columbia Dining community,…
Columbia Community, On Monday, September 5, 2022 at approximately 8:34 a.m. a driverless moped was spotted traveling rapidly along Broadway. Moped is suspected to have suddenly gained consciousness after a freak lightning…
Following the success of her inaugural Year of Science, Barnard President Sian Beilock has announced last minute plans to immediately begin the Year of Dartmouth™. Beilock announced the following mandates early Tuesday…
As we stood outside the iconic storefront, Street Rat-turned-Chef Remy struggled to hold back tears as NYC Health Department officials plastered their scathing condemnation of the beloved Columbia establishment.…
