MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, NY — Per Columbia’s surveillance protocols, Columbia’s Medical Director Melanie J. Bernitz and staff test the dorm’s wastewater to track potential COVID outbreaks, but The Fed has also received inside…
MORNINGSIDE, NY – On Wednesday, December 8, Freshman Sam Brown was confused by what was taking the Ferris Lunch line so long. “I was just trying to get my grilled cheese on,”…
Resident Girl in Red fan reports, “At first I thought my gaydar might be off and she was actually just straight, but then I saw her Chai Iced Latte. I mean, no…
“Was I hoping to be president? Sure. But as anyone who knows me can attest, I’ve always said, ‘If I can’t be president, then I’d want to be a dead ghost roaming…
Mimosas just aren’t the same when you’re surrounded by a burning city…
“Sure, the post described ‘a tall, beautiful blonde,’ but from a distance my neon pink hair could appear a bit flaxen,” White reasoned.…
We at The Federalist have been closely monitoring his finsta account, @FrancisLuvsFannies, and have discovered no such likes. This leads us to believe that while he conceals his freakier follows, the Pope…
