This past Monday, U.S. News released its mid-year report on the nation’s highest-ranking colleges and universities. These rankings have been long-awaited, with Internet users and top government officials alike placing bets on…
In the (Morningside) Heights: Lin-Manuel Miranda Announced as Bacchanal Supporting Artist
by Elena Lukac and Inica Kotasthane
In an internal memo obtained by The Federalist, it’s been revealed that the Bacchanal supporting artist will be none other than the Tony-award-winning artist Lin-Manuel Miranda. Miranda is best known for the…
Columbia Admits Record-High Number of Bed Bugs for Class of 2028
by Elena Lukac and Inica Kotasthane
Last Thursday, three of Columbia University’s undergraduate colleges, Columbia College, the School for Engineering and Applied Sciences, and Barnard College, sent out application decisions to Early Decisions applicants. All three of the…
Columbia Announces New Gate Policy: Visitors Must Solve a Troll’s Three Riddles in Lieu of Showing CUIDs
by Inica Kotasthane and Elena Lukac
Move over NYPD, the trolls are here! In response to increasing political tensions on campus, the colleges of Columbia University have introduced a magical new system to regulate gate traffic. The regulation…