Club promoter “Parents Weekend” is back, with an all-new atmosphere for cultivating familial longing. It’s that thing where your parents never invite you home because it’s not ‘worth it for just a…
Presidential candidate Kamala Harris’ social media campaign seems to have taken a different direction recently, drawing attention to her newest social media team member, a “Mrs. Styles.” Her latest additions to the…
In an attempt to reconcile a shockingly dark display of a way-too-invested girl on her knees shouting “Why god whyyyy!!” outside the FacShack dinner line, I decided to invest in myself—well, technically,…
Something Boring, Something Boxy and Blue Thou still unravish’d sculpture of eye soreness, Thou Barnumbia-child of grave and wasted dime, Art historian, who canst thus express An artist statement more…
In response to both increased class sizes and a growing demand for guests at the 2024 Senior Boat Cruise, the Columbia Senior Week Committee has instituted a policy allowing ticketless seniors to…
A Milky, Milky Matcha O my Luve is like a milky, Liz’s matcha That’s newly separated in color; O my Luve is like the “egg and cheese” That’s sweetly chanted in tune.…
As temperatures dropped into the 30°F on Wednesday, the Penis Fountains of Low Steps were reported defending their smaller appendage size under the common wives tales of “being cold.” Scientists and university…
Barnard 600s dorms to limit toilet paper distribution due to increased suspicious mummy wrapping activity. Please be mindful of your surroundings near the toilet paper cabinet.…
Columbia’s hottest snoop is…a little ghoul with a dark bob? As the spookiest season full of tricks and treats approaches, one silly little ghoul is being fed (heehee fed get it) through…
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals when it was checked by a violent gust of wind that swept up the streets (for…
