In a bid to encourage safe and healthy interactions on campus, Columbia is rolling out a new program under the #KeepTheCompact umbrella that will promote covid-19 secure intercourse, called #KinkyForTheCommunity.…
The singer wrote, “I’m in the studio working on something special after today’s assault on democracy.” As this terrorist schemes up “something special,” D.C. residents are preparing for the worst.…
Disclaimer: The Federalist is in no way promoting trespassing or the defacement of posters advertising an absolutely awful president. We are merely showing our readers (who will do this with or without…
3. The “My avocado toast was literally shot out of my hand” playlist:Owie! Right now you probs just need some chill vibes to relax while they start amputating but also you’re really…
Last year, I had a particularly unfortunate Tinder hook-up experience which lasted roughly 30 seconds. The offending gentleman in question was completely unabashed, however, at his brief performance. Upon seeing my disappointment,…
PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax -- I…
To whomever is reading this: I am a cold, soggy-ass, lonely fucking slice of chickpea pizza. I was “baked” on March 10th (originally frozen a year prior). I used to gleefully bask…
Band, this one can’t be bandaged: there’s been a bunch of banter recently ‘bout your banditry and abuse. It’s got me thinking, should the once-banned band be banned yet again and banished…
SSOL Crashing: Once every pandemic, Columbia decides to open the gates of the virtual gladiatorial colosseum that is the SSOL registration page, allowing students to fight over precious Zoom spots in Sunil…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
