“Stay where you are, get comfortable, and continue to study hard. We’ll be here until December.”…
Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…
The Fed Endorses Warren, Klobuchar, Sanders, Biden, Buttigieg, Yang, Bloomberg, and Trump
by Alex Horn
No matter who wins, we called it.…
Columbia Economics Department: “The Only Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism is Eating Ass”
by Alex Horn
Professors in the Columbia Department of Economics confirmed that according to their research, the only product that can be morally consumed under our current economic system is the asshole of an acquaintance.…
I could’ve sworn I heard my RA saying something about stopping by Duane Reade to ‘pick up a few things.’ Who knows what that could mean?”…
