A new study from Reuters finds, in a shocking reversal of conventional major wisdom, all undergraduate students from Columbia University are now equally unemployable.
In the wake of over $400 million in federal funding cuts under the Trump administration, job market saturation in competitive fields, and Columbia’s recent negative press coverage, all Columbia students face similarly abysmal prospects at postgrad employment regardless of undergraduate majors, said a senior analyst working on the study. “There used to be multiple factors that influenced employability after graduation,” she elaborated, “but given recent upheavals in the academic landscape, the only students who can expect to find employment are those with family businesses and inherited wealth.” According to the same study, the “nepotism index” for Columbia’s undergraduate students remains steady at around 27 percent—and so no more than 30 percent of this year’s graduating class can expect to find jobs in their respective fields.
In response to the news, many undergrads expressed dismay that their hours of work towards a STEM degree were in vain. “If I had known it would’ve had the same outcome, I wouldn’t have spent a majority of my waking hours in Butler working on problem sets,” said one disgruntled physics student. “I should have just been an anthropology major.” Several
organizations have jumped at the opportunity to market job openings to despondent graduates. Notably, both Tesla and the NYPD have advertised their internship programs on campus, although neither have had much success in recruiting from the student body.
