An investigation by your loyal Federalists has revealed a harrowing truth: the beloved books lining the walls of your favorite reading room in Butler are fakes!
A tip was called in by a concerned student who had been procrastinating on her P-Set and decided to take a peek at the French Catholic dictionary on the shelf of her Butler reading room. “It seemed relevant at the time,” she recalls. “Maybe there was something in it about derivatives…” Alas, when she tried to crack open the supposed trove of knowledge, she discovered that it was merely a brick with some paper wrapped around it.
The Federalist launched a full investigation, combing through all of the alleged 2 million volumes held captive at Butler, only to find that nearly every single one was fake: painted cardboard box, carved into marble, or Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code with a different cover.
