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I Wear Columbia Merch so That Everyone at Columbia Knows I Go to Columbia

I just love wearing Columbia merch. The moment that Champion-branded fabric touches my skin? Immediate chills. My chest swells with pride. My chin lifts. My mouth tugs back into a smug smile. In an instant, I feel like $93,417.

As I walk out of my dorm, I make sure all eyes are on my sweatshirt. Sure, I’m aware that everyone else here goes to Columbia. But I REALLY go to Columbia. Like the Ivy League. Like the one rated #6 in the nation on Forbes and Niche. Like the one with an acceptance rate of less than 4%. Yeah, THAT Columbia. 

This morning, I went to Morton Williams and struck up a conversation with the cashier. “You work here? That’s crazy, I go to school nearby! What school, you ask? Oh, just a small liberal arts college in Morningside Heights. You might’ve heard of it…” To which the cashier sighed and said, “Just pay for the groceries, man.” I guess someone isn’t having a good day.

On occasion I’ll catch another person donning ye ole’ school colors. And I’ll give them a little nod of acknowledgement. You are seen, you are heard, you are loved. There’s nothing more validating than knowing your personal worth is tied directly to your school.

The only thing that can knock me off my pedestal is Juilliard merch. Imagine being doubly qualified. ~shivers~