Last week, The Fed announced that they would be re-registering as a corporation within the state of Pennsylvania, effectively giving their 40+ members the right to register and vote (albeit belatedly) in the swing state. This switch is occurring shortly after news broke that the entire staff of The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl, the University of Pennsylvania’s satire magazine, mysteriously fell ill with Listeria, rendering them incapacitated and the Ivy League paper-less. When reached for comment, the Editorial Board expressed a desire to take over the office of The Punch Bowl while remaining active in New York City. “Who in their right mind would ever want to live in Pennsylvania?” one staffer asked. When asked what a new address would mean for The Fed, a staffer identified this move as a response to the newly-formed young Republican voting bloc in the swing state: “Simply put, it’s time for us to start actually stealing the election.”
The Fed is one of many Columbia clubs seeking to re-register their permanent addresses in swing states. The BDSM Club has recently re-registered in Madison, Wisconsin, and multiple acapella groups have re-registered in Lansing, Michigan. Representatives from each club refused to respond to comment regarding their planned whereabouts on January 6th, 2025.
