Columbia Dining recently announced that, effective immediately, any student who purchases a meal at Ferris Booth Commons must also enroll in a weekly discussion section.
“We recognize that content is understood more completely when material is not only retained but thoroughly discussed. By meeting in these weekly small groups, students will appreciate our chemically perfected scrambled eggs on a deeper, more fulfilling level,” said Executive Chef Michael “Chef Mike” DeMartino in a press release yesterday.
The majority of the available sections are weekly two-hour sessions of 8-16 students, during which classmates will share perspectives, debate with their peers, and workshop theories on what’s actually in the vegan stuff.
“You go to the Commons, and you enjoy the meal, and you might make a surface-level observation about your soggy fork, but too many students leave without truly engaging with the space and the community,” DeMartino said. “We want students to be inquisitive. You might ask yourself, ‘What does it mean that the strawberries are in a little glass case? What narrative is that reinforcing?’ I bet you could do something with that, maybe. I don’t know. I don’t have to. I’m in charge.”
In response to concerns about the logistics of the program, Chef Mike assured students that he handpicked ten of his least favorite TAs to spearhead the courses, and that the sections were guaranteed to conflict with a class that’s essential to your degree. DeMartino added, “Oh, and good luck getting off the fucking waitlist, nerds.”
