When a crowd gathered around Low Steps on Wednesday to watch the once-in-a-decade inauguration of a new Columbia president, many were at first confused why she stood waiting in the wings. At the last minute, the Columbia Trustees decided to add an opening act for the occasion: a two-man adaptation of Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men titled Of Meatballs and Men, performed by Columbia fan-favorites Chef Mike and Chef Don. However, despite being planned as a build-up to the momentous swearing in of President Shafik, the Trustees had not accounted for the possibility that the chefs might end up outshining the main event.
For the next four hours, a captive audience of thousands sat riveted on Butler lawns as the two chefs played out one of the most heartbreaking dramatic performances ever witnessed by the human race. When, in the final act, Don implored Mike, “tell me about the restaurant” that they dreamed of opening together one last time, there wasn’t a dry eye left in the audience.
After this jaw-dropping performance and the 45-minute standing ovation that followed, the sun began to set with none of the Columbia administrators in the emotional state to carry on. Because of this, they announced that the inauguration will be on Friday instead, and that Don and Mike will begin a Broadway production of their two-man show.
