BREAKING – Jewish students at Columbia on this autumn morning to discover a new Yom Kippur rule passed by the Rabbinical Council of America. “After consulting a long lost, ancient printing of the Torah,” one member of the association announced, “we have discovered that in Leviticus 11:48 God in fact states, ‘Thou shalt not eat on Yom Kippur, unless it is from John Jay Dining Hall. Eating there is repentance enough.’”
Despite the new rule however, most Jewish students seem to be ambivalent about the matter. “Well, that doesn’t change much,” said one senior. “I’ve been fasting from John Jay since freshman year, why would I break it now?” In fact, reports show that over 90% of Jewish students are electing to fast anyway, despite the newly-discovered rule. It seems that the intense repentance that a day at John Jay could cause would be too much to handle.
